Life Update #4: My life is very weird these days...

Why haven't I written a blog post in almost 4 weeks? My excuse is: my life is very... weird lately. I mean, I've thought about it a lot, I've thought about posting about this massive change in my life that happened almost 3 weeks ago that's totally side-tracked me from everything that used to be important to me and what is supposed to be important to me now but... I need more time to sort out if this is even real. It is my life now, but sometimes I wish I could escape. (Like everything else in my life, since I am a nervous wreck).
Also the thought that I should write a blog post when actually I should be doing coursework kind of stops me as well. A lot.
My mind is all over the place and in one place at the same time these days but I've learned so much in these past 2 and half weeks and I'm still learning.
I will tell you guys soon, if this works out and I can clear this foggy picture and get past the games. All I really want from this is to feel safe, to be honest. I mean, this is what this is all about. And you have no idea what I'm talking about so I don't even know why I'm writing this strange post but I really just wanted to update you on something. Since, I just realised today it's been almost 4 weeks since I've posted on this blog and I said that I would be a lot lot lot more regular in updating this than I was last year (I'm aiming for a blog post a week).
Anyway, since this blog post was kind of pointless and probably made you think, 'What the hell is going on with this girl?' The answer to that is: I don't even know. Nothing new there.
But yeah, something changed. Good news, I'm less insane now. And I didn't need any medication or therapy. Like I said, I will tell you what's happening and end this post here for obvious reasons.

Final thoughts: I freaking hate 밀당. Why can't be just be frank each other and love each other like it's the easiest thing in the world to do? Because it is. It is so much more easier to love someone than hate them.
I hope you all had a lovely Valentine's Day and Happy Lunar New Year!

Update on Life | Saturday 24th January 2015

Warning: if you’re an aggressive atheist and/or are offended by the idea of Christianity don’t read this post. Better yet, just don’t come back J

So, it’s Saturday, I’ve completed my first cycle in my second semester in my second year of uni and I finally have time to sit down and write a blog post. And I swore I would write more this year.

This year has had a surprisingly terrible start for me filled with all sorts of horrors and very dark thoughts but, I don’t want to jinx anything but, it looks like things are… going to be okay. You see, I have a dream. My dream is to go to Korea and it looked like that was taken away from me but just two days ago there was a sudden switch and I know that was all down to prayer. Maybe not just prayer from me but I prayed one night, something I’d never said before and it was that night all my inhumane horrifying nightmares stopped and I actually had a really nice dream. It was so nice I probably laughed in my sleep. I woke up that morning feeling more at ease than I had felt in weeks. Then two days ago I got an email (yes, it’s always an email) with the nuance that everything was maybe going to be okay. And just yesterday evening, I had a talk with my mother and it made me realise that things are going to be okay. This desire that I have to go to Korea is so strong and is something I’ve had for so long (even after other opportunities were taken away) that it may be a desire that God has put into my heart. I can’t imagine it being otherwise. This dream won’t do me any harm as long as I stay alive and strive towards it. And when I get there I’m going to have the greatest time. I know it. God promised me. He gave my mother a verse for me when I was just 10 years old: Jeremiah 29v11 

“For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

We’ll see how things go on. I’m still a nervous wreck about life in general but that’s just in my nature.

This first week back at uni wasn’t too bad in terms of the content of my modules. It seems to be a short semester and I’m hoping it’ll feel like one. The faster the semester, the closer I am to Korea, right? And I would have officially completed my second year of university. There is one module in particular which I totally 100% signed up for but now must “endure” for the next 12 weeks or so because it’s something that brings me such nerves I cannot control the shakiness of my entire body, let alone by hands when I get up there and pretend that I have authority over people who are older than me. That’s the thing about teaching adults. These are grown ass people that probably have more education than I do. They certainly are brave to come to a country where they don’t know much of the language (like I will) and then us students have to stand up in front of them and freaking teach them. I knew I would not like to teach adults in my career because it just seems wrong. Thinking of appropriate games, appropriate register to talk to them in without being patronising, because God knows I hate patronisation (is that a word? :/). But I must endure it and try to do as well as I can with help from God until the end of the semester. Because I found out this week that we don’t have to teach in the final year. Which I’m super pleased about. Should I be pleased? I want to be a teacher, right? Well, I want to teach kids (elementary, middle and high school) but I’ve decided that I don’t want to teach in a Korean university anymore even though apparently you"ll get the most money from that. I think that’ll be even more strange living in that culture of speaking a certain way to your elders. Damn.

In terms of my New Years resolution of learning more Korean before I go to Korea. It’s going well. This weeks was not so good because of my new schedule with uni but now that I've completed my first week and know what things are going to be like and have bought some new earphones, I can listen to TTMIK’s podcasts when I’m out too. I’m more determined than ever.

Well, I guess that’s it for this update. I actually have a (sorta controversial) post about EXO (and just the kpop scene in general) coming up very soon, so look out for that.

Update on life! (Studying Korean, Japanese, Uni, The Heirs...)

Arrogance level: 3.8 out of 5

It's been just over a week since I last updated and I left you with a negativity post as well! lol. I'm OK. I didn't get depressed and kill myself. I actually feel quite happy these days. I feel a certain level of security that is rare for me to reach because of the scar left from my high school days. I wrote a post explaining about that scar so maybe you could understand me better but I'm not sure if I want to upload it or not. It might make me look like a loser or will be too sad. I think it's more sad that what you hear in those 'Draw My Life' videos on YouTube. Speaking of YouTube videos, I've been working on doing the '50 Things About Me' tag but as a post on this blog. I think it might me interesting for you to get to know me better by reading some random facts about me. Unless you don't want to know about me. But how could you not. I'm so mysterious. lol
미안...

So, moving swiftly on... I've made great progress in my studying of Korean. Basically, weeks and weeks ago, my Dad contacted our connections to some Koreans to find me a Korean tutor (that sounds weird but I don't know how else to describe it really) and an old friend got back to us saying there was a girl who wanted to tutor me (yay!). When I finally got through to her and spoke to her (because that took a while) we set up lessons straight away and now I have a personal Korean tutor that I meet once a week. Which is awesome!! I'm so happy with this. I mean, we only had our first lesson last week, my next one is tomorrow. We mostly talked. Well, she did most of the talking ...in Korean. I had to really use my listening skills. But it was all good because she's super genuinely nice and we talked about ma boys EXO and watched two EXO videos. It was awesome.
I've been really motivated to study Korean like everyday this week. I've been using talktomeinkorean.com I've known the site for years and watched a few videos from their youtube channel, but I never used it religiously to study Korean, now I do. It's awesome, I really recommend it if you want to start learning Korean or if you already are and want a useful website to help you learn in a fun way. By no means am I affiliated with this website, I just like using it a lot now. I even followed them on twitter, tumblr and facebook as well as subscribed to their youtube channels. With this I believe I can learn much faster (because I genuinely find studying Korean fun) and be able to talk to my Korean tutor better and understand her more.

So yeah, uni. We recently (well, more like 2 weeks ago) did a test in my Japanese class and we found out the results for the test and guess what.... I came first place out of the entire class! Ye-ah. No seriously, it's a big class as well. I didn't even think my %-age was that high. Ya'll should've done better. Maybe I should make a post about how frustrating my fellow Japanese class students are; maybe not. I already put all my pent up annoyances in my journal. I still enjoy my Japanese classes though, just 'cause I love learning Japanese and the teacher likes me because I'm the best. lol.
You don't understand, I'm never #1 in anything (well, apart from my Korean class two years ago).

In other news, the student union STILL hasn't gotten back to me on withdrawing my membership from the Hip Hop classes. It's ridiculous, it must have been like 6 weeks already since I first contacted them. I'm getting tired of their attitude towards this. They obviously just want my money - my entire £20 smh -__-
Oh well.
I'm just laughing at them really. How a group of people that are supposed to be professional operate so unprofessionally.

Well, I could tell you some other things but I might be the only one who finds them interesting. lol. Things are calming down workload wise, so I will be able to upload more often. If I get ideas. I might put up that '50 Facts About Me' post and I'm watching 'The Heirs' right now and plan to do a review of that once it's all over. I swear it's sooo interesting now. With *spoiler alert* Young Do pushing Eun Sang against the wall. I'm sorry (not sorry) but that was so so sexy! I actually like Young Do's character ever since last week. I was forcing myself not to like him (it wasn't that hard) because although Kim Woobin is one of my top favourite Korean actors, Young Do was such an immature bully; I wanted to put a bucket over his head and push him down the stairs (I want to do that Kim Woobin anyway..). But now things have changed: I now accept Eun Sang and Kim Tan as a couple ever since they were staring at each other with tears flowing from their eyes. But I feel so so bad for Young Do. He's kept Eun Sang and Tan's secret (just about) and he's just heart broken because Eun Sang doesn't want him, she wants his worst enemy. Poor baby. He's just such an unlucky little kid, really. I just want his mother to come back and give him a big hug while he cries into her shoulder. It'll be such a touching scene that someone finally loves him. I also want him to get together with Rachael. Seriously, they were made for each other; both troubled, both abandoned by the ones they love, they need each other and they look so good together. In fact, I ship them in real life. Forget that Yoo Ji Ahn.

Anyway, life's good. How long will this last? When will it get better?

Yo, you should follow me on google+ I post some really interesting stuff on there. :D

Update on things...

Still so ill. It's been just over a week now. This is bad. It's because when I got ill in the past, I usually take over a week off of school to get better and get my immune system up, but I've been going to uni, walking in the rain and cold for long periods of time; getting on germ infested public transport. It's all because I cannot afford to miss any lectures or seminars. You don't know which ones are important and which ones are not until you go there and sit through the whole thing. Seriously. It's Thursday today, so I have the next three days to rest at home. I hope I get better so I'll be fine by Monday.

Today, I planned to work on an essay that I have to do for uni (that I haven't even started) but I spent most of my day when I got home watching loads of episodes of High Kick 3. I watched 10 episodes! That's the most I've ever watched at once. It was only because I was inspired by my friend telling me today that she once watched 180 episodes of a drama in one night. I wouldn't do that, but it's nice to just sit down and watch loads of episodes of drama/sitcom at once, especially if it's as awesome as High Kick 3.

Talking of dramas; I watched The Heirs episode 3 today. I tried to watch it last night on Viki (because I was that desperate to see it) but the subs weren't complete, so I came home from uni today and watched it on gooddrama. That scene with half naked Kim Woo Bin though. I saw it on tumblr before hand and I almost died! No, I died. I definitely did die.

Oh right, about that hip hop dance class that I joined. After doing it, I started to feel that I shouldn't carry on with it because it's not nice walking around last at night/ or early in the morning when it's dark by myself - around this time of year. For that same reason I won't be going to the Christian Union either which is on the same day and time. I asked my parents for advice on whether I should do it or not but they weren't any help; I ended up paying my membership to the sport and then I regretted it a lot. I emailed the students union asking if I could withdraw my membership and get my money back but they still haven't replied. I'm a bit scared because it looks like I just missed practice today without saying anything. Oh well.
They better email me back tomorrow.

Well, other than that, life at uni is going well. I have been gifted with awesome people on my course so...
I have so much to do tomorrow, I better get round to doing it. Should I wake up early and go to the library?